Your Disguise.

asdfasfasgdhetj

2011-07-10T01:08:00.005+08:00

So many questions and there never seem to be any answer for all those.

What is the truth and where is the truth?

I don't know what all of this is about. What is this that stuck people into one? which changes their perspective into all the same. Making simple things more complicated.

askdjflkalsjdfalsjfl;asdfl;asljflasdjfasfd

AHHH what is this? what is this all about!!

where have you gone?

2011-05-11T17:55:00.003+08:00

it has been another long journey that I'm on. mind was never relaxed, many things happened within this and last week and exam has begun from this week.

I don't know how I am lately. I feel so much lost, maybe I'm not but I do feel, I'm pretty at the back. All these are really turning me against the world. What are we? who are we? why do we have to do all these non sense? why can't we just takes things easy? individual's life would be so much easier.

I have never put study as my main priority even a job as a student should be study. What is study? why do we have to do it? I would think it as a form of non sense that we created to balance the failure and success.

I can't say I'm trying hard, I can't say I'm not trying hard. there is just no right way to say it. I did what I want, what I could and what i need. I was over confident, enjoying too much. I know now everything is turning against me, trying to drag me down, trying to break me down.

I am sorry, sorry for everything. Sorry for all the helps, trust and believe. I am disappointed too. Disappointed at myself for not making it, disappointed at everything that I have been looking for. It's just so hard for me to say..

I'm not good at studying, even i used to think that I was. I promise, even I'm a failure of academic, I will be good at living the world, 'cause that's what I have got and what I was born with..

losing grip

2011-03-28T23:30:00.003+08:00

have been losing track more and more. tried to keep up with myself but it wasn't easy 'cause i have been just avoiding it. Now, it's a time for me to face it. I have enjoyed, and now it's time for me to pay back on how much I have enjoyed. I'm happy, more than ever. I just hope this trial finishes faster and I want to go for a holiday with you.

dream a little.

2011-03-13T02:01:00.002+08:00

I have learned so much. It's changing me to who I was supposed to be, I guess.
I remember myself without a fear of giving everything. There was no fear of taking a stop further. Hurt was just like a non-existing word for me. Maybe it takes more time?

At least, I have learned, scale doesn't matter, big or samll, cheap or expensive. It just depends on how much you care.

halfcrazy

2011-02-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

what would you say, if i have never thought that we would ever be more than friends. Now I'm all confused cause for you I have deeper feelings. We both thought it was cool to cross the line and i was convinced it would be alright. Now things are strange, nothing the same.

And my mind's gone half crazy cause I can't leave you alone. And I'm wondering if it's worth me holding on. Said my mind's gone half crazy cause I can't leave you alone. And I'm wondering if it's worth me holding on.

It's amazing how you could dissolve my wall so easily & so fast; amazing how you blind me.
oh, ease my pain. oh, everything looks beautiful. oh, little thing still hurts like hell.

soon, end of year.

2010-11-12T23:22:00.002+08:00

Holiday is coming up after the exam for end of this month. I feel like I want to do really well but, it's not as easy as I thought. Kind of being lazy everyday whenever I have free time, giving excuses for myself not to study.

I was thinking of a Simple holiday for this month. Maybe a little travel with my new car? Somewhere near in Malaysia. England, USA and Austrailia would not be bad anyway I needed to check out next time. I'm already excited.

Christmas coming up soon as well as chinese new year. I'm hardly trying to save up all the money for travel or maybe spend some money on my new car. New sound system and some modification to improve on general performance of it.

Another important thing is that, I am going to hit 20 next year. No more teenage life. I know I have fool around for so many years but, I dont regret that, because I have learnt so much outta this mistake. I will try to stay forcus on what I am doing now as well as think of the future since I am still not even sure what I really want to be.

Too bad my 19th Christmas and New year, I am still gonna be a single. Who knows maybe it was my destiny?

subconscious

2010-07-01T19:56:00.006+08:00

It has been a busy journey from before I started my IGCSE and till the end of the IGCSE then now that I'm in A level continuing my study for my bigass future. It was so busy until I finally felt how precious is time, why people said time is a gold maybe beyond that you can't buy back, also realized why parents said high school is the last moment where you can enjoy.

I'm currently taking A level in my previous school where I just finished my high school 2 weeks+ ago. I was thinking of taking 3 subjects, BS, Econs and Psycho. I had a curiousity of trying Law class. It wasn't really bad somehow it was really heavy. I could say it's currently the most heaviest subject that I have ever taken. Later on I realized that I should challenge myself and push myself further more as well as Law could actually help my H&T sector where I want to persue my degree on during my uni level. First day of Law class, I received about 10 papers to read, 2nd day another 5 more papers with 700 words assignment relating "Morality overlaps Law", later again, I received a file of papers and today I received sample essay of 2 students to compare. I can't say much about it because I'm still new to this subject but what I want to say is, I love this subject. It's something that I would totally spend my time for. Maybe this is what I have been looking for?

All of this business, I have also thought a lot about my life. I'm a guy with a normal family. I don't have much nor can't offer much. I slowly learn how to appreciate with every little thing that I have. What is coming and what is going are all the consequence of life. I shouldn't be harsh on everything, take a deep breath and look at the sky. That's what I did tonight. I was walking around my house looking at the sky. So long I haven't actually taken a walk and feel the nature. I really felt that is what I have been missing outta my life and also thanks for everything that helped me to realize most of the things.

I'm meeting my babe in 3 weeks. I don't know how much I have been waiting for this moment. I already thought of what am I gonna do with her and ask her but who knows my heart will be beating so fast until I can't do anything? I just can't wait for her to arrive..

Rain

2010-05-23T00:38:00.001+08:00

Only I can write the story
Only you can draw the line
Only time can know the distance
between your world and mine
If you gave me a million reasons
I could never tell you why
I can't say what I believe in
I just feel it inside

As the rain falls, I listen
to the rhythm of your heart
Though we may never be together again
I know we'll never, I know we'll never be apart
Never gonna be apart

All I have left is a picture
All that you left was your name
I'll burn a candle beside my window
that's reflected in the rain
When it's hard to find your way home
just keep this in mind
If you live inside the moment,
you'll know love's a light

As the rain falls I listen
to the rhythm of your heart
Though we may never be together again
I know we'll never, know we'll never be apart
Never gonna be apart

to you

2010-05-11T20:51:00.013+08:00

The only thing I can or could tell you is that I really love and loved you.

I don't know what to say to make you to feel how much I love you. I know love is something that can't be measured nor be said neither. You don't know how wish I could show you.

You are the first ever girl that I spent the most time thinking about and first ever one who I loved the longest, which makes me want to love you even longer, if it's possible til the end. I tell people I don't believe in forever, I know that's a word which shouldn't be mentioned in love but, I dared because you were the one. I do, I do believe even though I haven't seen it so far.

I still remember every single seconds of us, everything you told me.

The first time I saw you was during lunch assembly when you were standing beside a pole with innocent looking blue eyes with red school dress. I still clearly remember how you looked like. I was still new in IIS, do you know how much I was surprised when you looked at me like that? It was one of the best and most lovely stared that I could ever get.

We get to know each other when you came up to senior. We were both still shy looking at each other. I know it was so hard for each of us to even start talking. I don't know how we talked. We talked no matter what, I was heart broken once, you were there for me. I remember you telling me you were so sad looking at me heartbroken and you would kill any girls that hurt me again.

The very first day of us going out together. You looked sleepy as ususal but, we took our first picture together infront of the gate. If you know where I mean. The place where I hurt my right arm and the day when we first ever get together. We were still shy to each other but what we broke the thing was putting sunblocks for each other. Our one month anniversary, I went out to get a necklace with a ring consist of our name inside, I remember I took you away from your friends to put it on your neck. My heart was beating the maximum. I just couldn't wait for the moment. Later on, there was a day when you were away for holiday and monday you skipped school. That was another very first end of first time together. For sometime we didn't talk nor looking at each other. Do you know how happy half confusing I was when you texted me after that long period of coldness? I didn't know what to do, I thought I can't be the guy that will suit you. I tried not to be nice then maybe you would just turn away and find your only one but, I couldn't because no matter what, you were still annoying me. Sorry for using the word annoying, but that was the reason why I really felt you are the one for me. I love my girl friend annoying me, if you didn't know that. You love me no matter what. I really thought and still think you and I can make things out and thought I should really grab this, or else I would regret and kill myself one day. We got together for the secone time after that happens. I don't rememember anything special during our second time, maybe everyday with you was just good enough just the fact that you were mine and you love me. If I'm not mistaken the second breaking up was something related to that girl who I really wished you won't be closed with.

Another long period of coldness between us. Now I remember more what happened during this time. You tried really hard to talk to me but, that time I guess my mind was even more far away because, I thought I will be hurting you again by not being as a perfect one. You wrote me on a piece of paper remember something related to a piece of wood? and a few pages of letters with photos on A4 papers. You silently put it on my book while I was going back with a bunch of books. It was so sweet of you but, I was confusing why you were kept on looking for me even though I couldn't be the perfect one. 'cause you know, I am worst at making the love one feel better and treating them well as what she wants it to be like, but with you, I gained confidence, with you I felt like I would be able to do anything, would be able to take any pain and make myself up to you. I just decided to bare all the pains and your everything and make it up to you, because I realised that with you, I feel even better in this broken world where everyone needs a heal. I planned a lot during this time. I am going to be done with my high school soon. I thought we could have some fun during prom night. I thought you would care about my last prom but which ended up being as a argument. After that I just stopped thinking about prom, cause maybe you didn't really care about prom. Remember talking about your birthday? before that I still remember you gave me your wrong birthday and I put that on my facebook to remember. Eventually, I was planning for a good time on your birthday but, you told me just to forget it? I didn't understand why, I really thought you would want to spend some time with me on that day, the special day when you were boen 14 years ago and also by that time it would be our 6 months anniversary, on 14 of september, 2010. Honestly, I was disappointed but, now I'm thinking that your weirdness is the another thing that I really love from you.

Do you know how much you meant for me and how much you could comfort me? even by just being together? The day when my father was admitted to hospital, it was the same day I planned to go to hospital to see you. I heart was beating so fast when I heard that and I didn't know what to do and thought I would really be ok if I really go and see you in hospital that was officially first time to sit down and talk to your parents. They were great and even you look really great even though you were in pain sleeping on the bed which I found really weird to tell you. The next time to meet your parents were these days when we went to see hockey together. I really thought getting know your parents would help me to understand you more and actually I just had fun with them by learning more stuff and the way of them looking at things and the way of them thinking which I found quite similar of yours. Oh yeah, I also wished you were there watching hockey game with me, because there were actually quite a number of hot Korean guys. Sorry for not telling you the truth.

I was also thinking of getting a permisson to bring you away for a few days. Maybe we could go to a beach and watch sun sets down or raises together. I remember after a few times we talked, we talked about what we want to do in the future. You and I said the same thing, watching sunset? House near beach? one son and one daughters? happily after family? Getting married? I felt so much special by officially getting married in facebook and also this,
14.4.2010
Marlies says (8:17 PM):
*" IM A A PRIVATE PROPERTY OF MARLIES DE RIJK "

Here are some things that I really love,
**This was the best conversation with you.
2/4/2010
Marlies says (10:23 PM):
*haha you know
*i thought that
*even tho i loved you alot
*and you were the first guy i love
*i thought that
*i can just force myself to not love
Kelvin says (10:24 PM):
*it ain't easy
*isn't it
*;)
Marlies says (10:24 PM):
*BUT YOUR SO STRANGE, I CANT DO IT OKAY
*even if im with another person.
*i dont love them.
*=_=
*see
*you make me like psycho already. cant give love to anyone but you.

**and this was the best post from you for me.
its 8.16 im bored as hell. everyones offline.
my facebooks messed up. my internet keeps disconnecting.
my phone is outta credit. he's a work. But i cant go to bed yet cos its just too early.
i'll mess up my body clock AGAIN. so yeah. here i am.
blogging on my almost dead blog. right now my fingers and just moving,
but i have no idea where this post is going. basically whatever i think of is all spilled out onto this post.

“If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the feeling of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.”

I read it somewhere and I thought it was really cute. So yeah .
I decided its gotta be in my postttttttttttt.
P.s If your reading this, I love you my Kim Chi boy ;D

**Another thing when you asked me how I know how you sleep? You have no idea how hard I get this, I wanted to surprised you one day though.

I am really sorry for what I have done but I didn't mean to break, I thought we would be able to talk some things out that was in our mind, so we would be better to each other. You know you said thing doesn't work? but, I still believe everything works. Just that we can't find the solution.

I'm not going to say, I should probably let you go, let you meet new guy who you deserve, I'm not going to hide my feeling for you anymore again like last time. I'm gonna say, I still love you and if there is another chance that we both be together again, I will make it up to you, anything you want it to be like, I won't say anything about your friends that's actually why I stopped reading your blog, cause I would be better for me not to know which you wish I don't know any single thing of yours, that's going to be the best way we both don't get hurt and I will never let this happen nor let you cry again. I don't wish you to be gone. If you wish to go, then I wouldn't say anything but, I guess I won't be looking forward for another person for a long time maybe your emptiness is way too much to be filled back.

Sorry, I am just scared of letting you go and I was just a piece of wood who doesn't know what to do and I just really wish to be with you.

2010-05-10T20:08:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything to just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

2010-05-10T18:48:00.002+08:00

I had a bad mood yesterday and this morning and also I dreamed a bad dream last night. I went to sleep at 9pm which I usually don't and woke up at 1 am just to get out from the dream.

I'm still trying hard to recollect my dream but, I still don't remember what it was like. The only thing I know was there was someone who I was with and was hitting the ground. First ever time in my life I woke up by a sad dream. By guessing, the dream was about that someone leaving, if I am really correct.

You know I really wish anyone would talk to me. I have been feeling pretty much left out these days. I wish I have a gut to stab myself and leave this world.

Esmée Denters

2010-05-09T20:01:00.003+08:00

Cause I could be your dealer,
I can be your only friend when you need her,
I'll keep you coming back again,
You can call me anytime I can make you feel fine,
Look into my bag of tricks if you need a fix,

Esmée Denters (born 27 September 1988 in Arnhem, The Netherlands) is a Dutch singer-songwriter.

She is a real hidden talent. I wish one day I will be able to be a performer.

2010-05-07T21:26:00.002+08:00

just for one last time, i will cry myself asleep.
Tomorrow, I will get up like nothing was there.

2010-05-04T21:06:00.004+08:00

It's IGCSE soon and I'm still not preparing for it. Everyday and every night I keep telling myself "I will start tomorrow". I had a business studies exam and accounting exam today. I was so hungry cause I skipped breakfast and was sitting for the exam during break time.

I feel so dark lately like I'm slowly breaking a part and falling down. It's kind of sickness which is like domino that can't be stopped until a few pieces are removed. I know how sily to think of after IGCSE, but I'm already so looking forward for it. I have been saving up money for my car and trip after IGCSE.

I'm having quite much of stress again. Due to the low demand of psychology, class might not be able to be conducted in IIS A-level, then I might have to look at Sunway college, Ipoh where I have also thought of. If there are not offering psychology, I will seriously think of going Canada again. I won't give up on my dream for this piece of shit.

I'm planning to go somewhere off without telling people for a few days after IGCSE with my car. Somewhere near Lumut? or maybe Langkawi to find some businesses out? I wish I will be able to find someone who would want to go with me and spend a nice time. Someone who can talk to me for a whole day or maybe the whole night while having drinks, I wish badly.

What I need is a hug from behind with silent and asking me how am I. I wished to be cared..

Lies

2010-05-02T02:02:00.005+08:00

There are two types of lies.
A perfect lie that only you will know.
An obvious lie that everyone will know.

There are two types of reaction.
A reaction that you really think that's true.
A reaction that you make believe even though you knonw it's not true.

You can't always hide,
'cause, you are now too obvious to be lied.

lost

2010-04-29T23:02:00.005+08:00

I have no more reason to look at my phone.

I have no more reason to wake up early.

I have lost my direction.

Too bad, it was too late that

you couldn't save me before it was too late.

I have no more reason.

I have lost all my reason.

Talk to me.. tell me something..

there is always

2010-04-27T17:34:00.003+08:00

It wasn't really a nice day for me. I woke up at usual and went to school with no feeling. I thought my day would be just normal like other days except that I had to stay back until 4:45pm for Accounting exam.

I could feel something when I saw her face like there was something going on with her, maybe she was not really in mood or she is upset. As I said I believe that I'm one in a million. I could do something different from others like I can know what is going on not fully nor surely but, most of the time I am correct. So, yeah I wasn't really in mood as well. It would be a better day for me if you had smiled and fun.

I finally drop my dream of going to Australia for a moment. It was not possible for me to go there anymore. I was thinking of working while studying but, I would probably screw up either one of that. Now, I have two choices, Canada or staying in Ipoh for A Level. I am thinking of just staying in Ipoh. I feel like there is something which I haven't got enough from here, like there is something missing.

I am badly wishing to get a car before my exam ends. Just a Proton Waja or Kia Spectra would be enough for me. I would be able to go out without any problem further more I would be able to spend more time with her but, I still can't clearly see that hope. I just wish I would be able to while I am dying of this streess for the coming exam..

History

2010-04-24T17:40:00.004+08:00

I love it when you say " ♥ ".

Baby, I love you more than you can ever feel.

getaway

2010-04-21T22:12:00.008+08:00

I went to my big father's farm on Monday. It has been a long time since I went last time. There were a lot of changes through out the farm. There were more kind of plants. He told me a lot of things about plants, how does he manage the business, how he keeps an eye on it. He is exporting all these plants to Japan. The accounts those I saw, I found out that agriculture isn't actually bad to make money, but you need a large amount of money and a lot of time to set up. He was also planting some new tress and plants for himself using as a medicine. It seems really healthy for me unlike working and getting stress from office work.

It actually helped me to open an eye on new business line other than just manufacturing. I doubt I like business, maybe I like the variety of business like there are many type of business that you don't even know. The beauty of business, satisfying people's needs and wants. Flow of the economy. Everything is an adventure, I guess? Other than tourism and hotel management, I think I should open my eyes on to a new line, something creative and capable of making money.

I have thought of going away to Aussie with nothing. I want to leave everything here and start a new life. I neither give a damn nor look back what I'm going to leave. I'm just sick of everything. I tried to compete with my life and fate. I challenge the god sake. At the end, what's left of me is the feeling of being a loser. This or next week I think I will send my result over to a few colleges even though I am not sure if I am really going.

I really want to go somewhere new where I can't speak their language. Nobody knows me, nobody knows where I am. Get a small job, get an experience, slowly grow myself up, save some money, buy a little house for myself, slowly learn their culture and language, slowly become apart of them. It would be so much better than my current life. City of art, of music and of love, that's where I am looking for. Somewhere with a trational culture wouldn't be bad as well. That's my future dream actually. Go to a european country and become a part of them. Nothing but love.

Go to France, produce wine. Go to holland, produce cheese. Go to Germany, produce beer. Go to Italy, produce pasta. Go to Canada, catch fishes and king crabs. All these would be so better than other sick job.

I wanna be happy.. I don't know.. but I feel like I'm getting sick. Like my heart is dying slowly. I still remember for the meaning of my tattoo but it's still hard for me to be when it comes. I wish I could just put you in a cage 'cause you suck but I love you.

I wish I will get into an accident and sleep in the hospital for a few days without waking up, so i can worry no more for a while..

내

2010-04-17T22:44:00.006+08:00

일어나기 싫은 아침, 일어났다. 그저 살아야만 한다는 이유로. 물에 빠진것처럼 생각속에서 허우적 거리다 헤엄쳐 나왔다. 옷이 젖어서 무거운지, 내 팔과 다리는 마치 추와 묶은것처럼 한 걸음 더 나아가기 조차도 힘들었다.

내가 무슨 생각을 했는지 아직도 모르겠다. 알지도 모르지만 답을 찾기는 역부족이었다. 슬펐다. 죽고 싶었다. 이런 일이 나에게 일어 날 줄은 생각하지도 못했다. 마치 내 인생이 한편의 드라마와 같이 흘러가서. 다른 사람들 웃는것을 보면서 생각했다, "시간이 흘러가면 내 인생도 낳아지겠지".

떠나고 싶다. 모든것을 다 버리고, 모든것을 다 잊어버리고. 그치만 모든것을 등지고 고개를 쉽게 돌릴수가 없다. 잠깐이라도 여기를 떠나고 싶다. 새 인생을 만들어보고 싶다. 이런 개같은 세상을 살아야 한다는 내 자신이 너무나도 비참하고 불쌍해 보인다.

외롭다. 외롭다. 사랑하고는 있지만 뭔가 한 구석이 허전하다. 그녀를 죽도록 사랑하고있다 그치만 아직도 뭔가가 부족하다. 정신이 나갈정도로 느낌이 이상하다.

maybe

2010-04-16T15:40:00.003+08:00

Maybe there weren't enough memories.
Maybe there weren't enough pains.

Important thing is that you still don't know why did I hurt so badly.

It wasn't the less love.
It wasn't the less caring.
It was the thing that you didn't realise.

Maybe you have forgotten how much we have gone through.
Maybe you will never know why that how much I wanted to kill it.

Melancholia

2010-04-15T18:56:00.003+08:00

I'm having mood disorder for a few days. I suddenly feel depress and scare. I start worry then I wouldn't be able to stop thinking unless I find someone to talk to. It ususally appears at night, I mean when my insanity comes out. I just don't know what to say and what to do, like I'm going crazy and mad.

I know I should follow as what Mr David told me, "you gotta control your mind first to be a psychologist. You need to manage youself well".

This weekend I am going to figure out what is on my mind that has been disturbing me so much.

I think I should just think of the truth, depend on that, believe on that, because that's what I only have got now, your love.

when it comes to

2010-04-13T18:46:00.006+08:00

I went for MSSD football tournament today. I had to wake up at 6 to get ready also had to reach to school by 7. Our match was the first match on the opening day. I was shaking by the excitement while showering.

The first match was with SMT Ipoh Brash, we lost by 6 goal. Second game was with SMK Tanjung, again, we lost by 6. We screwed up for both games' second half. I seriously had no idea what was going on and still have no idea what was going on. Beside on the forwards were fast, I just couldn't stop them.

It was so hot after the first match. We had to wait for 5 hours for our 2nd match and I really missed school with air contioner. I also missed someone, but we couldn't go back to school 'cause it was the rule set up by the hosting school that students must stay in school.

After the 2nd match, we cleaned up the place where we were sitting. Something came up to my mind again and I was thinking seriously.

What would you choose, if

you have no money and you know how to love,

you have a lot of money and you don't know how to love?

I think I would choose the 2nd one. When you have someone who you really love but you have a little amout of money, what could you do with it? I think the life would end by having so much stress because of the financial problem. You can't have nice house, you can't support your kids, mostly you can't give what your wife wants. I know you would say, "but I love him no matter what". I'm thinking, if I am the guy, I would hate myself so much. It's gonna be such a burden for me. You don't know when she will leave.

One day you wake up and suddenly your family is gone. There is only a letter saying that they have left. I guess I would kill myself that I can't be rich.

Money solves everything these days. You can't deny the truth. You buy everything with money. Something that you thought you can't buy, now, it can be bought by money, even love.

I still have a little hope that there may be something about what I am thinking. You could meet someone who loves you no matter what. I think I should trust, but just can't stop thinking when it comes to the stage, everything is gonna leave you 'cause you are financially weak.

I wish I could give what she wants
I wish I could be the one she wants

I am just so scared..

2010-04-11T18:17:00.002+08:00

When was the last time you look at the sky?
I could barely think of the time.
Most of the time, I was busy looking down.
I was chasing for my love, life, fame and money.

I felt so useless, when I looked back.
I have done nothing much but killing time.
Now, I want to do something.
You know it seems so hard.

I want to study
I want to play
I want to be happy
I want to be rich,
and I wanna love you, forever.
I don't know what to do..

God Sake

2010-04-09T00:46:00.004+08:00

What can you do, when you feel so sorry for soemthing
what you have said,
what you have done,
and what you have seen,

When there is something bothering you so much
it slowly goes deeper and deeper into your heart
at the end it becomes a part of your body.

Like a tattoo, it's so hard to be removed.
Like a broken pieces, that can never be fitted back.

Doesn't everyone need answers for problems?
I badly need one, right now.
I don't I will be able to sleep tonight..

what is this all about?

2010-04-05T23:34:00.004+08:00

I wouldn't ask, "What must I really do?" at this moment.

I would ask, "What should I really do?"

Don't I have a way to save my own life and forever loving you?

Even though if I give my joy of life up? Just to be with you happily?

Because you are the first one to open up me,

not to give up on something that I really want.

Thank you for not letting me be alone and being with me.

Thank you for not letting me go. You overwhelm my entire heart.

I love you so much.

I believe

2010-04-02T22:33:00.002+08:00

I don't know, but I know I have got something different from others.
It sounds weird, strange and arrogant, but it's a truth that you will never know.

Sometime, I let my life lead me. Sometime, I make my way to lead my life.
I guess I gotta lead my life, if what we are reaching the one we hope it won't be happened.

I'm not ready for the challenge, because I don't need to be ready for that, because I won't let it happen.

2010-04-01T17:57:00.000+08:00

Marlies says (5:55 PM):
*noo
*the the theee
*theeeee...

I beg you, father..

2010-03-12T23:44:00.003+08:00

I thought everything would be great, father. Sometime, I think about the moment when I was so happy. I guess I was happy rather than silly. I could give my everything since it made me feel so alive that I was reborn.

After a long but short time, I lost it. It wasn't just once when it started to fall apart. I began to wonder whether it was meant to be. Father, I badly need your help. I wish you could give me an answer; wish we could sit down and talk for a little while even I know you wouldn't give something that I need.

Father, sometime I hear you talking. Obvious answer that you could give me. Father, somehow, I'm scared. I'm scared of losing it again. It came up so many time, but I have made nothing out of it. I tend to be silly rather serious. I believed rather ignored.

Father, you told me there is something I can only think of. That I have something special which differ me from others. I do feel, but sometime I wish I'm just a normal one instead of being someone different. You also helped me to realise, there is an eternal and forever. I look at the negative even though I believe whatever you have taught me. I brought myself down, made myself stupid, made myself fall from everything.

I saw something, father. I saw something that I didn't think it would be happened. I thought it would last better; would not be able to break so easily. It just looks so fragile that just a wind blow will break it down. I saw it laughing, for everything. Even it was broken to many pieces. I knew it was heartbroken, but I wonder how it laughed. I wonder how it stands while watching it breaking down into pieces.

Father, I would die rather than watching it breaking down into pieces. I feel so weak. I want it, father. It would really be hard for me to reach, but I'm scared after what I have seen through my life. You know how it feel when you have lost something and it's going to somewhere else, but here.

Father, I tried so hard to take it easy. I tried not to think too much, but tried to take it easy as what you have told me. It is not easy as how it seems to be.

Father.. what should I do.. I don't wanna let it go ever again, but am scared of seeing it leaving later on.. I think I will be happy if I can be with it.. If it will be looking at me forever, I would give my everything. It would be really great, father.. I would be able to do anything.. I think I will be strong..

I want to love it till sand goes into my eyes..

I beg you, father..

nothing can be done without .

2010-02-26T23:29:00.005+08:00

It has been a long time since i haven't touched my blog. Maybe a few days? a few weeks? a month? A lot of thing was going on, unfortunately, I do not really remember a single thing. However I do still remember Saoirse Ronan is pretty, hot, attractive and gorgeous. The words we can use will not be able to describe how much I love her and i want her more than other.

Saoirse Ronan (who i call as "my wife") is an Irish actress who was born 12 april 2004. She was in a few movies such as "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey", "Atonement", "I Could Never Be Your Woman", "Death Defying Acts", "City of Ember" and the latest movie directed by Peter Jackson, "The Lovely Bones". Yeah, believe me that now I don't even have to refer to any sources to say when she was born and what movie was she in, because I love her so much until I had to download all of her movies. I have every single movie of her and I watched every single of it. Like I was in blind while i was watching her movie. She made it good if even though the movie was bad and she made it even better if it was good. I know it sounds so desperate, but what can I do? I really love her. I love her pale blue eyes, golden hair, fair skin and her accent. Everything of her. What would not I be able to do, if I can really get her!

I love you so much !

I guess life is good, but pretty much boring sometime when you have to kill your time. I can say, I can not live without music, fashion and style. Imagine of the world where everything is so systematic and same. Everyone wears black and white (I do love black and white match) and cut their hair short. Same model of car. Something like Planned Economy and there is no freedom nor personality. Every single thing of yours is killed by the sake. It's like you are living in a format, daily.

70's gives me a memory of past life. Modern style gives me an inspiration of something new that I have never felt before. Retro gives me something that is mixed, not too old but yet to be new. At each of the time, there are musics with it. When a country had been poor, there had some musics that people listened to cheer up and work harder. Relatively for each moment. For me, classic was something for the rich and luxury with olden history related with all the maestro. Something we will never understand. Jazz, simply amazing with no rule and regulation. House, something that will make you fall in to a fantasy and make you feel good. Dance, something that will make you active, give you motivation to do anything. Music means a lot for many people. It bears the culture and your personality. I can hardly say how is this type of music, how is that type of music. For other, It may be different. You are rich or poor, you listen to music. I can vehemently say, no one listen to no music.

Exam is starting next Monday, but I am still wasting time crapping stuff that has been in my mind. I should probably go sleep early and wake up then study again. Just for 3 more months that I have to focus then I will have a few months of holiday on my own. Going to Aussie for a short while, start a new life in A-level, meet more people who I can share my thoughts, it just feels so right and exciting. I doubt, it would be a great success if I work hard, because I have not really achieved anything. I barely have an experience of working hard to get something. The ugly truth, I will have to work hard even it is not a truth.

I just can't wait to see the moment that I don't have to see you confusing people and playing a food with me.

far, yet to be far

2010-02-07T00:44:00.003+08:00

Maybe you thought I would, but actually, i don't.

When I come, you leave
When you come, I stay
When I hide, you hide
When you hide, I find
When I cry, you laugh
When you cry, I cry
When I say I know you, you say thanks
When you say you know me, I say that's wrong

Like trying to put two different broken pieces together
which can never be sticked together.

I guess I wasn't enough
I guess I will just have to wait until you realize

a few more months

2010-02-01T19:17:00.002+08:00

Let's just stand for a few more months until I am totally free.
Less than a month to mocks. Less than 3 months until IGCSE.
Then, I'm out from this mental hospital!

love blind

2009-12-24T01:17:00.003+08:00

Every combination of feeling, love.

Every happy and sad time, love.

Every hard and easy solution, love.

So addictive, love.

I can't get it out off of my mind

When it can't be helped but waiting

I would believe,

Time solves everything, I believe it will connect you and me.

Holiday is heading to the end and I'm so excited without any reason. I have been preparing for my college, finally, I cut down to a few college but, still thinking about the best choice of me !

Leaving from High School, that's one of my biggest wishes. At my age, you are supposed to be in university. Imagine, if you are still in High School, stuck up with no concept brainless kids who you used to be. I just wish to make some friends who are around my age group. I'm just so excited! Last pitch!

can't help but wait

2009-12-22T00:42:00.004+08:00

I want my life to grow bigger, I don't care how big, just big.

Do whatever I want, give all I wanted to my you.

That's my biggest wish and hope in my future.

Wait, I will come and get you, but don't go too far away

until where you can't be reached

So, I'm really gonna work hard for it.

I will love you as much as the time has been taken to get you.

ice cold baby

2009-12-12T02:35:00.000+08:00

Finally, I can say I'm hot and cold at the same time. But, I was always warm toward you even you felt I'm cold.

It's has been quite a time. but I'm still numb, slowly getting warm up. I didn't want to think of anything, just to forcus more on it. I let one out and let one in because, I knew I wouldn't be able to catch two at the same time. I was happy and doubt thinking about it. Later on, I felt something wasn't going well and felt like this might be the wrong. I knew it was already too late and tried to change things out. Now? I'm lost of everything. None of it is still staying with me. Everything has gone, totally.

I used to wish you could tell me everything

I could be the one who you want to talk to first

I am blind again so I can see nothing but you

you could be my last one

Many things were going on around me. I couldn't find a chance to even say everything out. I wish I could take you out, have a meal and talk the whole night till we fall asleep. I believe that I'm weak. But, I tried to stay strong to make you feel proud. I was powerless like a guy who is in a middle of no-where. I could do nothing! I wanted to scream until my throat bursts! I blamed on myself, yeah, maybe I suck.

When I gave you so much of spaces since then, I wanted no spaces from you to give me. I wanted you to squeeze my time, hold it and never let it go. I haven't had a chance to tell you but, I'm different. When everyone says no, I will say yes. When everyone says yes, I will say no. When everyone wants more, I will want nothing. I guess you knew what type of persom am I. Maybe that was the point that you could see me when there were so many other people.

I still doubt about everything. I wish you could really tell me everything. You could cry in front of me while you are telling me anything, it could be something that you really wanted me to know. You could scream at me when you were so wondering and trying to reach me. I was like a guy who can't be moved. I know I did nothing. I have no idea, since when did I start to wait till you would come and tell me something. Something stupid or interesting. I mind nothing, just to wish to listen whatever you are telling me cause I know I was so happy to feel someone is telling me something, I ain't alone in this world, someone is caring about me.

I wish we could go on a trip to somewhere we can get out from everything, all the barriers which have been blocking us to reach you and me. Go to a beach, walk on shining beach. See the sun rise together. Wake up in the morning together, at least one time, I would be the one and you would be the one you see and I see. I thought a lot of things and places that we can do and go together when we are off from everything even that seems to be not happened. How would I tell you everything which I want so badly.

I scream silently in the middle of the night when everything is passing through. I squeeze my heart and tryna take something deep inside my heart. I really have no idea what's really in my mind but I know there is really something somewhere in it. I wish I could take my heart out and take that outta there.

I now wish I could scream at you. "I hate you!" "I love you!" "I dislike you!" "I want you!" there are too many things in my head. I'm confused until I can say it clearly no more. I'm mad, crazy and insane. I'm even thinking of making a medicine that will make you go to no-one but me. Wishing to have a time machine and go back to you and my past to see who we were for each other, why are we in a such of tough time. Won't I be able to break the barrier between us, if we are not meant to be together. Willingly I will use my body to break through that, if, if, if, I could know that. I'm so lost, tell me something, tell me what you really want before my heart feels no more. Tell me to do something even I'm so like a piece of wood that makes you feel really cold.

I hope, we have no heart but just together by the sake of belonging that we are meant to be together forever.

and this might be the end of everything what I really wanted you to know.

"I love you"

hopeless hope and wishless wish

once again, i cry myself to asleep
once again, i wonder myself to asleep

i really love the moment whenever you are holding me
but i can't see it anymore and it gets blur
as i'm thinking more about you.

thinking you being with other guy
i know how stupid of me to even think of that
eventhough we are together
since i decided to be stronger than i was

i look at the photo that was taken when you were younger
and though back whatever you have told me
and whatever you have given me
and once i smiled by the thought of you.

innocent of you, it was so lovely
yeah, you were really lovely
but it seems like all have faded away
nothing is left but doubt between us

i really wish we could live together
walk on the sandy beach
while we are waiting for the sun to rise
we can probably have so much fun,
catch up more about ourselves,
talk about our past and future

i know i'm a fool but you didn't mind
due to the reason of love
we both love each other so much
that nothing could come between us

i really wish i could be the only one
who you can only think of
who you can only love
who you can only talk to
who you can only be with
who you can only see in this world
no other,
how silly of me to even think of
that won't even come through

once again, I cry and wonder myself to asleep
i really wish i could be the only one
i really wish i could be the one who you can share with
i really wish i could be the one who you must come first

i really really wish and hope
all of these are killing me
so, love me and take me into your heart

i would really love that.
i love you

You and I; I and You.

2009-12-02T23:52:00.001+08:00

Baby, I wish to spend all the seconds, minutes, hours and all my life with you, so you can spend time with no other and finally you would realise the time for us until we die is running out each moment.

"You and I have lack of time to love me and you"

mac !

2009-11-13T21:22:00.003+08:00

I'm dying waiting for my Macbook Pro to reach. I have been waiting since Monday but I guess it will be in my hand tomorrow or sunday.
If not by Sunday, I swear, I might gonna kill myself. Aluminum body, 15 inches and snow leopard :o.. I'm crazy!

I played basketball during PE lesson. First time in my life, I scored in a real game with people although I had so much of chance. After school, I went back home to take a rest then went to Polo ground for football training. It was so tired, hot and wet. Mostly, I'm got damn tired. Maybe casue for about 2 weeks I didin't get to play football?

Anyway, I'm really tired. Hope I will be able to wake up tomorrow and go to school for Open day helping Ms Angie.
I'm gonna have a piece of cake and a cup of juice with some nice jazz music before gonna have a sweet sleep ;)

if i could

2009-11-07T23:00:00.004+08:00

Something is really draining my soul out of my body.

I really need a motivation.
Everyday I'm having a same day. By sitting at the counter in restaurant and watching couples coming in. Sometime some of their girlfriends made a surprised party for their boy friends. Whenever I'm looking at them, I feel something is draining me out of my body Not much of people would experience though unless they worked in restaurant before.

I want to go to a club with my girl friend, drink whole night, talk whole night.

I want to be a vocalist in a band and invite her on her birthday to the cafe where I usually perform to make her surprise.

I wish to get a house and live with my girlfriend and go to college and univercity together.

and share everything.

Yeah, I wish to have someone who will give a light to my life.
and someone is leaving slowly as I try to go near

Mark Williams

2009-10-18T22:01:00.006+08:00

Before anything, Rest in peace Andrew.

Meaningful weekend that I had.

I guess, friday night I had a conversation with someone for about 2hours. I was even amazed at myself that I could talk so long. I guess, because I haven't talked to her well since school has begun. I still have a lot of things to say but, I forgot all of it!

Saturday afternoon, I had a Chemistry lesson as usual. After that I had a short class with Aunty Evelyn. We actually had lesson for 30 minutes and for about 3 hours, we talked a lot of stuff. My life, future, education, etc. I felt so free and freshed up after talking to her in Korean for the hours. It was the longest conversation in Korean since I moved to Malaysia.

Sunday morning, I couldn't continue sleeping after I woke up around 10am. I watched Gossip Girl Season 3 Episode 5 while I was having breakfast. It was the bomb that Geogina went to tell Lily and Lufus that Scott is their son. I thought I will get really excited by watching it but, the story line wasn't really much in the Scott line. I really wish to watch next episode. Dan and Olivia, they look really cute together!

Around 2pm, I didn't wish to stay at home anymore and I just headed to Infinity. I was waiting for the table which we usually call "the best" to be vacanted. Owen asked me to play and I had a few sucky games with him. After while, Jeff came and he had a few games with Kean Mun. I was really bored waiting of people calling me to play. At that moment, Kean Mun asked me to play with Jeff who I got some impression! I knew that I was gonna lose but I tried my best to play. At the end, I was fighting for the last ball with him. By my small mistake, I lost the game but it was really great to play with him. He actually came and talked to me while I was paying for the table.
"You are actually quite good but, just that you need to correct a few things like arm position, cueing. You gotta learn how to look at the angles and flows too."
I was really surprised that actually he came to tell me about my snooker skill that no one has really concerned about me before.

After paying, he asked me to come over to the other table that he wanted to teach me. I was really happy and concentrated on everything that he was talking even I thought he was gonna teach me just for awhile. He taught me from the way of looking at angles, follow, stop and screw ball then standing position and cueing. Every of his teaching was really great and I could understand easily that what it was about. He actually taught me for 2 hours. He corrected me while I tried to do as what he taught me. When I was about to go back, he showed me some photos in his phone.

He asked me to look at Mark Williams when I'm free. He said that my standing looks alike like Mark Williams'. I wonder does my standing really looks like how international players stand but, I felt good and have more confidence now. Because of that lesson, I got back home at 8pm.

I checked the message from sei kereta jai while I was going back. I wonder why she has been so ba bei this few days. (punch)
But my day wasn't really bad! I guess?

I just

2009-10-16T23:37:00.004+08:00

I didn't expect that I would be getting back.
Somehow, I actually wished and hoped this time would be better,
eventhough I know it wouldn't be better.

I think, I need someone who can tell me honestly.
Everything, that she needs and wants.

3 - 6

2009-10-09T19:10:00.003+08:00

I have no limitation. I can do anything without you.
Don't try to play a fool with me cause I will be running all over.

I have no regret.

love me if you dare

2009-09-30T22:06:00.008+08:00

I have been looking for the subtitle for a few hours. I could find some but I hope to understand what are they talking about :(.

nostalgia

2009-09-23T21:39:00.003+08:00

I don't know what is the best way
you used to be a part of my life
the addiction of you like drugs

I will keep thinking of it
when I can't have it like drugs
do you know how much I need you

you are still there
I am not used of your empty space
I keep asking,

how are you doing?
are you doing okay?
I can think not much
when I hit the ground

you passed in my silence moment
I am still smiling
would you know,
if everything is fine
that we would not have to act like this

so much of changes
I am scared
where are you?
I miss you more than I ever did

2009-09-16T20:48:00.003+08:00

I miss you Kwak Min.
I wish you were here so badly even more today.
I really hate myself that I couldn't hold you in my house that day.
We could go somewhere else together,
We could talk whole night,
We could have our own party with a joy,
I wish you are living in a peace up there.

I really hope to know you again in my next life.
I love you.

morning breeze

2009-09-14T22:15:00.005+08:00

What a day with full of strange feeling.
I hate it so much, like you can have but not.

I know it can't be replaced easily.
I want to get lost from everything for awhile.

"The secent of your fills the air as the morning breeze drifts into the room"

what's your everything?

2009-09-13T23:18:00.005+08:00

What would you answer if someone asks you, "what is your everything in your life?" and I question myself so many times with it.

People would say money, my parents, familiy, house, car, health, sex or gf or bf.

Anyhow, I gave a same answer to myself everytime. Eventhough I doubt whether it is my real answer. That is why I am always asking the same question to myself over and over again. I can't stop thinking about it and you would know how hard to find an answer like this as well as how sure are you going to be if you really found that out. But I feel meaningful by finding it out even it seems silly thinking of this sort of question.

Future, I give the answer of myself. Yeah, my future is my everything. What a silly lame answer. Whatever I am going to get in my future, that is going to be my everything. I do not know what I am going to be and get in my future. I will be asking you and telling you my answer.

I wonder what are you thinking about my answer. "Future? I do not understand why is that your answer." "what's that!?" etc.. Have you ever thought of no future in your life? No future can mean you a lot of things and I am including everything in my answer "future". Every second passing is going to be your past, every second infront of your now is your future. No future? yeah, it probably means you are not going to see your next second which also means your future.

My future builds me up everyday. I make my future and sometime am lead by it as how it goes. Generally, we are living day to day for our future. If there would be no future, would we still work so hard? why would we?

I guess my explanation was quite a mess and hard to be understood. As what I wanted to relate it with my answer was, we are living hard day to day for our future, we have to live hard to have what you want and need. Whatever you are working hard, it is going to appear in your future. That might going to be your everything that you wanted so badly or you might see a failure.

Everyone would like to have a great future in their life as well as me. Rich enough for everything, big houses, nice cars and well health. Basically, everything follow by money in modern society. poverties become poorer, rich become richer. As that fact sometime we can see money is breaking down people's mind and everything even that we will never want to see. Everything needs to have a limit but everyone knows how greedy people are. I would like to say money is one of the strongest drug. You will not be able to let it go if you know how sweet it is.

I love wealth as much as other people but I really just hope to have a creative life. Always be romantic with my be lover and happy with my family in the future. Ordinary life, not too much but more than enough. I hope not to have any problem by those wealthes. Not to be scared of lack of money. Not chasing by money. Not not happy by money. I hate myself if I think back when I was really scared to think that I am not wealthy enough. Yeah, now I believe even proverty can be happy if they work hard and change the way of thinking.

Here, I end my thoughts. I hope to see a better future.

buzzin'

2009-09-13T18:42:00.002+08:00

I decided to go to infi but I canceled it at the end. I slept at 4 am and woke up at 10am. I didn't really want to sleep but didn't want to do anything either. I thought it would be better after I sleep for awhile. Nevertheless, I'm still feeling the same. Yeah, that's the reason why I didn't go out on my golden weekend.

This morning, I had a problem in my computer. I guess it was my graphic card problem. I tried to on it so many times but, monitor had no sign. I off everything and took the graphic card out. It was freaking hot. I guess the cooler wasn't working properly. I don't wanna send it back to KL again. I will be using my internal graphic card in my main board and wait till I'm getting new laptop and then get 9600GT.

I felt so lazy to even touch my computer. Lazy, tired, down and a little bit of madness that I can't explain like this song.

love love love

2009-09-10T21:52:00.003+08:00

I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?

Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.

The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing they don't love you back.

tired!

2009-09-09T20:57:00.005+08:00

I carried my tired body to school this morning as usual. I'm tired lately without any reason.

School was boring as usual. When I reach there before assembly, I stood at the balcony and looked at people playing basketball. Break? Nothing much. I stood there again. I was deadly bored. Somehow, learned quite much of summary writing during English. Ms Grace guided me while I was writing and I could get some point of writing. I hope to do well next time :D!

I was waiting for someone to come to school for the whole day. That ba bei told me that she is coming to our school since last week and I haven't seen her until today. Not even a shadow of her.

During lunch time, I waited for my lunch to be reached. I felt so weird to look at my lunch. Guess what! Yeah, it was pasta. Only few people would know why did I laugh. It's about Italian stuff! After the meal, someone got a ball from somewhere and Daniel and Tim asked me to play football with them. It was so hot but so fun to play with our classmates. It was something like Year 11 vs the rest. We missed a lot of goals, but it was just fun ;)! After playing, we had to assemble on the basketball court and queued up according to houses. We were shouting "NEPTUNE!!!". While we were having fun by booing toward other houses, Year 10 and Year 11 had to go back to classroom for lesson.

I had my first on the road driving lesson yesterday. I was scared but I think I did quite well. I still couldn't do a lot of actions while I was holding the steering or shifting the gear. When I had to move to another line, I always forgot to look at the side mirror and put a signal to left or right. I was so sorry to the other driver behind me :$. But it was really fun though! Another lesson for tomorrow! It's gonna be so fun!

I will have to start looking for my laptop. I guess, by next week or next next week, we will be allowed to bring our laptop to school. I can't imagine how fun am I gonna be! I can go online when that ba bei poh finishes school and back home! So, I can disturb her! muhehehehehehe!

I feel not to talk much outside. It isn't really in intention but just that feeling like I have something going on. When everyone is talking and having fun, I will be sitting and looking at the window and looking at trees dancing. I feel kind of freedom when I'm looking at nature. I know I like to keep most of the things inside and am actually a quiet person. Just that I have been feeling mess and want to be quiet.

Worry before doing anything is one of a stupid action that human ever do. I'm one of them as well. I worry about my future. I don't know what I want to do or be. The thing that I'm really sure is, I want to have a proper family and happy forever. In order to be like that, I will have to have a proper job. I'm worrying like this,
If I become a chef, wouldn't I lose my sense of taste one day and lose everything?
If I become a doctor, wouldn't I do something wrong to the people and they die.
If I become a designer, wouldn't I have a sucky sense of design which is actually my style that people don't really like?
If I become a musician, wouldn't I change my type of song from Pop > Classic > Jazz > etc..

What a silly flood of thoughts !

2009-09-07T20:05:00.000+08:00

Really ba bei dou gek sei me.

2009-09-06T01:53:00.002+08:00

비가 온다, 눈물이 흐르듯이
네가 그립다, 주체 못하도록

때론 언제가는 너를 보내야한다는 생각에
힘들어서, 그 생각에 잠겨 잠을 못이룬다

나약한 내가, 가끔은 밉다

네가 뭔지, 내겐 네가 뭔지
내가 뭔지, 네겐 내가 뭔지

amazing!

2009-09-04T22:08:00.002+08:00

School rocks again this morning. After assembly Mr Ang came into our class and said "I have a good news for you guys. You guys are gonna bring your own laptop to school and we are gonna install wireless internet." It was a really surpried for me! Finally, our school is changing!

Breaktime, Our new teacher Ms Prior came to our table and sat with us while I was buying food. We had a short conversation. Her british accent was really cool. I couldn't understand some part when she was talking but, I could get used to it after while. She is awesome and I love her class so much. I hope to meet more teacher like her.

I started doing all the past year papers. I could see what I'm lack of and enough at. I so much worry about Chemistry, ICT and English papers. I guess, I will be able to keep up with other papers but I hope to get a good mark for those subjects as well.

After school, I went to KFC with Tim, Boss and It. We had so much fun talking to each other. Boss and It are new students of our school from Thai. We had a football training together. Boss was really good a goal keeper and It was a good striker that we could see a lot of potential from them. It was so hot at 3pm. Sun burns hell and I'm still so red. I felt a little bit of dizziness and I felt so hot even when I was sitting infront of the aircon. Yeah, some kind of I saw a hell for awhile. Whatever is that, I'm still survive ;). That's good enough!

P.s : WHY ARE YOU SO DOWN BA BEI!

2009-09-03T22:10:00.000+08:00

Her ba bei-ness! Geng dou sei @_@!

2009-09-03T20:44:00.002+08:00

Ah.. Feeling so down today. I should have asked to send me back home first. What can I do, when I'm so scared of pain?

I wanna go to the beach and sit down on the glitter sand and think for the whole day. I miss the sea smell and sound of the wave.

Great change

2009-09-02T21:27:00.003+08:00

School was amazing today! This afternoon we had a assembly at the basketball court then house meeting. So happy to hear that Mrs Wong is head of PE section. I shouted and clapped loudly when it was announced.

We voted a house captin, vice captin and other positions as well. At the end Pat got 24 votes and was voted for house captin for this year, I got 16 votes and was voted for vice captin for Neptune. We made mission statement as well as motto. I think our mottow is "We are the best, we lead the rest.". Somehow, I had a better one, "We are the best, they play their ass." So wish to see next year's sports day! It's gonna be so fun!

I'm feeling kinda good to be Year 11. Something like setting my targets and goals? I have been in Year 11 for a few days, so far so good.

Oh, gosh. I'm sot jor!

unknown

2009-09-01T21:23:00.003+08:00

School was still bored as usual. This morning, I hardly woke up again. I was texting while I was getting ready for the real bored day but, I didn't get any reply from that ba bei.

It was quite surprised to see our new outdoor roof for school basketball court. I thought to be a low and cheap looking roof but it was quite well done and I liek it that I don't even play basketball.

Somehow, I'm angry at school that they only concern about basketball but football field. It is still pretty much nacked and convering with sand.

First combine class wasn't that bad except for I was deadly bored every single period especialy ICT. The SAD theory parts were really confusing, a lot to memorise and really strange. Analyse, invetigate etc.. I felt sorts of fresh today. Some kind of new starting point? I only have 9 more months to finish everything in this school and as what everyone told me was, "9 months of Year 11 will be the fastest time when you are in High school". My first important time in my life and it will make my life either miserable at best or great. I want to do my best, I want to study that what I really wanted to after this, I really want to be a great person and earn shit much of money to see whether money really makes you happy.

I was looking outside through the window and cleaning my flood of thought.It's pretty much important year for me. I still wasn't clear on something and needed to really clear something out. I'm gonna take few more days.

Anyhow, It was a fast and tiring day. Tomorrow we will have a house meeting during last periods. Our school has got 4 different houses and I guess we are gonna choose house captin again to prepare for senior sports day earlier. I was a temporary house captin for Neptune last sports day. I learned a lot by doing captin for Neptune football. As this is my last year of being in IIS, this time I really want to be a real Neptune captin who is voted fairly by every single Neptune house puipils. I shall lead Neptune to the victory :).

:D

2009-08-31T22:05:00.004+08:00

UPDATE

"give you 5 minutes!" (speachless..)

someone is always forcing me to update my blog. What a big bully !
Happy mei, huh????

revile

2009-08-27T01:39:00.000+08:00

I still haven't made my decision yet. It's not the time yet though. I know maybe later, or maybe soon, I will have to go through and face it.

Whether I'm gonnna fall down if everything is pretty sided on the edge.

How about, if there are a lot of under-cover things that I will have to open it one day.

Won't I run away from the truth that is a part of me.

I hope to have more confidence of myself, whatever I do, wherever I am.

I hope to see a better future.

won't they sing instead ?

2009-08-21T21:51:00.004+08:00

Lately, I feel filled with something. I have no more empty feeling or else. I don't know why but, just feeling kind of warm.
Somehow, I am feeling, I'm just going to lose everything again that I have been building up. It feels like it's going to be collapse at any moment and certain time.

The people and person who I really wanna be with forever, they seem going so far away. They are leaving, going away and disappearing like a smoke in the air that I can never collect it back again. Yeah, it's like some broken pieces those are really hard to be a piece again.

I was asked to go to Singapore or Canada these few days but, I refused it. I felt it was not the time for me to leave here even for awhile. I felt some kind of scare of being in a new condition and environment. Maybe, after awhile when I'm ready. I'm going to find my comfort and figure out where should I be. I just lost too many things by leaving all over the places.

I don't want to lose everything that I have been building up. I want to keep everything. Friendship, relationship and everything.

2009-08-19T21:55:00.000+08:00

HOHO, I knew it!

The time traveler's wife

2009-08-18T18:56:00.004+08:00

Gosh, I really wanna watch this. I love this kinda epic and magical love story so much. Somehow, they are using my most most most favourite band LIFEHOUSE AND THEIR SONG BROKEN!

I thought I wouldn't be able to find this kind of movie after watching "The Holidays" but I guess this movie is gonna be so much epic!

and here goes Broken by Lifehouse

HOHOHO

2009-08-14T21:49:00.003+08:00

What a great week. I spend my whole week with just games. I'm still looking for new games and new game news not to be out dated anymore again.

I have been playing "New Continent of Magic" which is the first online game in the world and oldest game about 13 years+ from Korea. I'm playing back "Dungeons and Fighters" which is currectly one of the best game in Korea.

New Continent of Magic

Dungeons and Fighters

I was looking for new games which haven't opened. I found a few games which are online games and console games.

I badly wanna play Final Fantasy Xiii series. Especially FF Xiii and FF versus Xiii. Here are some videos of it.

Final Fantasy XIII

Final Fantasy Versus XIII
(Noctis is so handsome and Stella is so beautiful till it drives me crazy!)

Yeah, Many people would know Final Fantasy series and these are the upcoming ones. There is FFXIV but it's online game and probably coming out next year 2011 so I won't mention about it here. I have already asked my friends to get FFXII for me and I'm gonna get PS3 just because of this FFXIII :(... Lightning in FFXIII really looks like Cloud from FFVII :D!

Further more, I have been looking for new Online games in Korea as well. Mabinogi : Heroes, C9 and Blade and Souls. Here goes the videos.

I can say Mabinogi : Heroes is really a great graphic game.

Mabinogi : Heroes
(one of the game that I badly want to play next to FFXIII)

C9 (Continent of the Ninth, I really doubt that how are they gonna build the skill system and control system up are gonna be like)

Blade and soul

I really really really wanna play Mabinogi : Heroes.. Gosh, I have already downloaded it yesterday and waiting for them to open the server in a few months time. 2009 and 2010 are gonna be such a great year by all these games!

In the other hand, I wanna say thanks for friends of mine! I had dinner at my shop with friends and after that actually I had nothing much.

Thanks for the wishes from Tian and pete calling me from other country!
Thanks for Ceh Ceh and Jin for calling me!
Thanks for Abbe to organize the dinner! :D!
Thanks Su Bin for the shirts ;)!

5 hours of hell

2009-08-06T21:53:00.006+08:00

I woke up at 6:30 am unusually because I had to go for undang listening section for 5 hours. I reached there at 7:30am and there was a lot of people waiting. I took the colour blindness test. It was actually 30 minutes test but it took me only about 3 minutes and I was the first one to got out from the examination room. I went out and sat down at a nice spot where you can see the people learning how to drive car. It wasn't as hard as what I thought. Just few narrow section that you have to reverce your car.

At 9 i had to get into another room for my main scheduel. Basically it's just some theories about driving and the further examination that you are gonna take if you have passed the undang. Suckily, everything was in Malay and I understood nothing but, it was a regulation of taking L lisence. So, yeah, I had no choice but just sitting there for 5 hours like an idiot. It was a real hell and bored! I don't wish to take driving lisence anymore T_T..

FInally I finished my 5 hours of undang theories at 3pm. I ate nothing at the morning and I was so hungry. Somehow, I was so happy to get out from the room and went back home.

I reached home at 3:30pm and prepared for a movie with my friends. We watched G.I.Joe and I could say nothing much about it but just a word "GREAT!". It was the best movie I have seen recently. Eventhough I have watched the latest Transformers but, after watching G.I.Joe I think it was better than Transformers. (Actually I watch transformers for sake of watching Megan Fox (; )

I don't really wanna spoil the story line on my blog but just wanna say two things. Firstly, the graphic and effect and everything are really cool that you will be excited during the whole movie.

Secondly, this is my main point actually. Sienna Miller in G.I.Joe is really awesome. Sexy, Hot, Cute, Horny and every word that I could say out. (Maybe she is only hot for me(?)) but, yeah, I was really excited when she came out in the movie and I was shouting and screaming "ANNA!!!" in myself.

Yeah, I love any movie if there is a hot chick ;)

Oh my SIENNA MILLER MY LOVE!!! (actually she has got more better photos in that movie but, I only managed to find a few :( )

KARA

2009-08-02T18:24:00.003+08:00

Yey, my favourite group is back again ;)
and below is my favourite music of them in last album :D

2009-08-01T22:22:00.003+08:00

I again wonder what is life about.

A person said, "ah~ I had lunch then beer then just smoked. Isn't this call life~?". You do the things which make you feel happy and that's life about? Yeah, maybe that's part of the answer but, I still can not find the real answer. I give a big question mark to that question. Somehow, I guess it has got no answer. I think I have to live as what is going and passing by.

I woke up early today and had proper breakfast. I played Galaxy online as usual while I was having breakfast then took a bath and went for Chemistry lesson. After that I went to my shop and helped out my mum for awhile. There was so much vegetables so, I just took the knife and helped my mum to slice it. I guess during this holiday I will go to my shop early and help out. In additional, I can learn more about cutting and cooking for my future. Then I went to Infinity to meet up with coach and friends. Coach came unexpectly when I was playing with Winson and talking to Timothy. Then I played with coach and a few more games. I lost badly today as what I was thinking that I would probably screw up all the games. I lost my form and feeling. I really wonder how can I play in a constant way. I think I will have to stop thinking about it and just learn every skills from frist over again. Maybe, I'm thinking too much? Stop wondering and get your amature mind back, I guess those are what I have to do and what I am going to do.

Lately, I'm looking for a new place to go that I am not really sure where do I want to go. Just the place that I am going to feel really fresh and free. I hope this holiday I will be able to go somewhere at least for a few days.

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
John Keats

2009-07-31T23:46:00.001+08:00

Oh god, i can't wait for this movie @_@

What a holiday !

2009-07-30T21:42:00.003+08:00

What a lifeless holiday am I having.

A few days of my holiday have been passed. I feel really lifeless. Mostly I'm spending my holiday at home or playing snooker at Infinity. I always sleep at 1~2am and wake up at 10~11am. What a life!

I bought some game CDs and a movie CD. Only one game CD is working well and my CD rom is kinda crapped. It's not working properly and my computer is making some strange noise. I have to open my computer and look at it but, I'm always lazy as what everyone knows!

I just feel that this life is kinda same with my futuer college and uni life. I cook for myself and especially boredom! I ate nothing much lately. I'm skipping most of my meal like breakfast and lunch mostly. Drinking Redbull everyday instead of having meal properly. The most reason why I'm drinking Redbull is actually, I wanna get high abit so I won't fall asleep even I'm tired. Not much of people know that I'm kinda hate of napping. I already miss school life so much. I would rather go to school and do nothing instead of stucking at my room and waiting for the holiday to be passed.

jaldjf laslflasjlfjlasjdf lasjf lasjd lf

I have nothing much to write when I'm having holiday. Actually someone has been forcing me to update my blog so much who is like my blog mad reader!

New blog

2009-07-27T01:46:00.002+08:00

Finally, I just finished my new blog layout. It took me like a half day for just re-coded it.

I quite love this layout but, I'm gonna go to bed and gonna re-cod again tomorrow.

First day of school holiday. I wonder what am I gonna do for 5 weeks @_@.

2009-07-24T21:49:00.002+08:00

Our school holiday is beginning. Our last day of school wasn't that bad except for we couldn't bring food but, everyone was bumpping into the junior classes to get some food for themselves. I couldn't really understand why they didn't let us to even we could get the food from the junior. I had a lots of sweet sour jelly which is my favourite, some cakes and snacks. Our class pupils were allowed to go out to go into other classes. I was hanging around the school to spend some time. I was really bored, had nothing to do though. I brought my PSP and phone but, I still couldn't get out of the boredom.

After school Jin followed me back home and we took a taxi to fetch Max and Zenna from Jusco and went to Infinity for a short snooker game and Abbe came while we were playing then we walked back to Jusco for "a plan". We had lunch in Sushi King again where "Max's favourite". He had too much of sushi so, Max and I wanted to get Sushi king Kid Meal because we wanted to get something cheap and what we haven't had before. So bad that it was only for kids.

After meal, we walked up to the movie then Sean and PK came while we were choosing what to watch. We decided to watch "The Land of Lost". I thought it wouldn't be so nice as much as other funny movie but, unexpectly it was hilarious, LMAO-ish and just great!

It rained while I was using computer and was getting ready to go to school in the morning. I didn't want to go to school, I expected the school would be bored and I just felt not to do at the end, I just went for the sake that I'm a student. Weather was really dark that also made my mood went down. I used to love dark weather but, not anymore. Yeah, I have been down these few days, had a lot on my mind but, I guess I will be ok by these few days because I have cleared that out of my mind. No regret, disappointment and I believe that I will be happy from now on.

My mum is so happy from this morning because of my exam result this time that she didn't expect me to improve so much on my grades for almost every subjects. I'm quite happy with it as well. I guess that motivated my mum to consider about my driving lisence this time. She said "ok, let me look for it". I was really happy that after a year only she has started to consider about it.

I'm really really really tired from yesterday. Infinity snooker centre lost my cue that I always keep inside the counter. I was looking for it for the whole day and I could get some help when abang came and before I was about to go back, they found my cue. It was mixed up and yeah, I'm just gonna put back into the locker and they are gonna put my name on the cue for free.

Ok, I guess I'm gonna sleep soon for my beginning of holiday!

2009-07-24T17:25:00.000+08:00

woo hoo!

2009-07-22T21:09:00.002+08:00

I'm stuck. I don't know what to say and what to do. I can't figure and find anything out.

Our school is having parents evening tomorrow that parents are invited to the school and teachers are giving out our recent results of latest exam. I'm finishing school at 12pm tomorrow. Only by today I'm feeling that I'm gonna start my 5 weeks break! Which I'm so happy!

I was shocked a lot yesterday and today. Teachers were telling us about next term plan. School is gonna change so much. 30 minutes for one period and 30 mins break and 45 mins lunch. New school unifom but that isn't including our classes. The most exciting that I'm feeling is that finally I'm getting into Year 11 and gonna run hard for IGCSE then graduate ;)!

The other reason is that school is allowing us to bring anything on last day of school but must not bring the things which can be eaten. So, we can bring our laptop, phone and whatever things! Which I was so surprised. I remember even the last day of school, they took our camera away and gave it back next time. On that day, we are finishing school around 11am as well. I wanna dye my hair but probably I'm just gonna save up some money for Infinity and my driving lisence during holiday.

I played football during coco period today. There wasn't left midfielder so I had to play Left Wing Back position and I had to run up and down. I missed a goal but I really had fun except for that we had to stop for awhile when it was pouring rain. I skipped the training after the game 'cause I suddenly had a footache without a reason.

Whatever is that, it's gonna be an exciting holiday! Even I'm gonna rot in Ipoh!

2009-07-21T21:57:00.003+08:00

I just came back and nothing much but, I just went out. I could forget something while I was playing snooker.

After awhile I saw something and it brought back all the stuff that I really want to get out from.

I don't know what to say and do.

I don't know what I exactly want and need.

Really have a lot on my mind.

I know I need something, but I don't what exactly that is.
The missing part that I have been searching for. Travel? Love? Rest? Money? or what?

I'm gonna go to bed and I wish not to wake up tomorrow.

2009-07-20T22:44:00.005+08:00

I watched Hot Fuzz at school during English class. The movie was really funny in serious way. You wouldn't be able to expect what will come after.

I really liked the swear box which they have to put a coin into it whenver they have sweared and when the main actor and his buddy were eliminating the village. They put the sunglasses together and said "Bad boys ;)!" then they shouted "MOTHER FUCKER!!" and shoot the people. We are gonna continue tomorrow.

I had a English Lesson after school and I talked a lot of things with Mr David. He used to build his own house, hunt a lot of animals and a lot of different experiences that I wouldn't be able to experience. He was telling me a little bit about his wife as well. They sound really sweet and wonderful. He said he is a multitasking person and his wife isn't. He also told me about which his wife can't do, but he. I really feel that loving someone and getting married with the someone means more than whatever i can describe as. They fill each other by living everyday together. I'm just looking at my friends' photo that they have taken with their girlfriends. Happy to see them living everyday with a joy. I wonder why, mine are always not mean to be or if it's then it's gonna leave me. If I'm ready to scarifice something, then probably they are not in order to get happiness for both of us.

I don't know. I just have a lot on my mind. I don't know what to do now. This is just too much for me this time..

2009-07-19T19:02:00.001+08:00

what a day. I had enough of sleep again and went to Infi. Won a few games nicely and lost a few games like hell. graah! I'm tired again. Have to go to work again anddd I don't know just feeling some kinda shit.

2009-07-18T23:20:00.007+08:00

-
Fuck the people here, they have got huge brain which can't be worked properly.
If we say, "Just leave it like this for awhile". Then guess what they did.
"Hey! Why is all my meat like this? It's all burnt!" then I said, "How the fuck do I know?"
They were looking at me like a brainless people. I really wanted to say, "so you will die if we ask you to die?" and i remember customers are the king that we have to treat them properly.
Don't they know at least how to cook a meat?

-

I started my day with joy. I had enough sleep and enjoyed my bruch infront of computer then I went for my Chemistry lesson. Totally I had a Chemistry lesson and one for replacement that I have been to Victoria's party last Saturday.

I finished it at 4pm, went to work after 6pm and I just got back home and finish taking a bath.
I was fresh enough by having enough time of sleeping but, Im exhausted again. Just so lucky that our school begins summer break next next week.

Everyone is actually doing nothing much at school. Everyone seems like waiting for the holiday the begins. We were watching the 2009 school production DVD in Economic class. I was surprised that I was in the video that I didn't even participate. Then Anushka asked Mr Francis to turn to Jin's class to watch Indian thriller again. Jin wearing skirt and make up were really cool! :D and lastly Indian dance by our Year 10! then it ends. I really wanted to do something for my last production but, thanks for a stupid teacher that some students couldn't even have a chance to join.

20 more minutes till Sunday is coming and I'm just excited to sleep again! Gonna do nothing much tomorrow but, snooker as usual I guess. Forever my second home Infinity ;)!

I remember someone has told me, "You can't change and be changed by anything whoever you are or were. It's your own behavior. Maybe you can make believe but, truly you will never. You say you can change whatever for a person who you really love but, think it back. Will you be able to change? If he/she asks you to stop hanging out with certain people, stop talking to certain people and if he/she asks you to love him/her only? I don't think they will, cause they are so open."

I was the one who used to say "I can change for the one that I need and love" but at the end I know that I can't. I realized I need to find which needs and who can love me as what I'm. I'm the most understanding person that I can say out, but actually I'm trying hard to understand.

Thanks for Mr Rajen everyday whatever he has told me. "They are just fooling around. They don't even know what they are doing. They are just too young for you to understand and be understand"

I'm just gonna keep on moving till I can find a complete comfort. I'm stronger and have no more mercy for anyone. No one deserve a second chance ever from me yet.

2009-07-17T22:27:00.002+08:00

I know you have seen a lot of things in your life
but you gotta show me your feeling
so i can know

Everything I have been hearing from you
but you gotta tell me your feeling
so i can know

Everything tha tyou have been through
but you gotta trsut me
so i can be the one who can take you from
all the things you have seen

And if you trust in me, I can be there for anything you need
give it all to me

2009-07-17T19:12:00.004+08:00

What a wonderful friday. I went to Jusco to watch Harry Potter with my friends. I was really excited to watch it. Somehow, I was so excited to see Emma Watson and Luna Love!

This episode wasn't that bad unlike last time till I even forgot to drink my drink. It was quite funny and ofcourse I couldn't get my eyes off from Luna Love. She ain't that pretty but in the movie she is so adorable and cute. I guess her blurness and her own voice attract me so much. Her lion head and freaky glasses were really awesome! eee, I adore Luna love so much :(!!

After that Amelia and Kimberly had to go back and only Kar Shwen and I were left in Jusco. I had to go back for working but, I spent sometime in Coffee Bean with her. (If not she would have bullied, teased and said "YOU THROW ME AGAIN!!") We were talking there about half an hour then she went back. She was so funny and she admitted that she was picked up under a bridge when she was a baby. What a freaky joke!

Im gonna go to work :) Hope to come back home early and rest for tomorrow Chemistry class T_T..

Sei Ceh Ceh HAHAHA

2009-07-16T22:23:00.003+08:00

Someone is forcing me to write something on my blog
and I said I can't post anything because I have nothing much to talk about today.

After that I said I will post something then someone asked me not to post then
WHAT THE HELL!

you know what? someone just packed a bag and running away from the house to a guy's house!

ONLY ONE PERSON KNOWS WHAT THE HELL IS THIS POST ABOUT >=D
THAT PERSON JUST SAID "IM GONNA SLEEP SOON!" AND THAT PERSON IS STILL ONLINE!
WHAT A LIAR ;D!!!

Kelvinology xoxo!

2009-07-15T23:01:00.002+08:00

I couldn't resis myself by going Infinity even I was so tired.

I had to go for a hair cut and yeah, ofcourse after that I directly ran to Infinity like a mad dog. I were looking at Marcus playing and suddenly I felt to purchase another cue which is more heavier than the one I am currently having. I felt the grib is way better. Maybe, I'm gonna save up some money to purchase a new cue during this holiday.

I played 3 games with chee dee and unexpectly I won the entire games. First and third games I won by just 1~2 balls but second game I shot in crazily. When we shot in all the red balls, he felt that he wouldn't be able to catch up so, we just closed the game. I was surprised at myself though.

I really want to learn how to drag my cue well. All the world snooker players and professional people are not really swinging their cue but, dragging each shot like a gun. The ball rolls smoothly even they have hit so softly. DUR it was so nice..

School is so boring lately. We have got nothing much to do. I feel we are just waiting for the holiday to come. Mostly sleeping in the class or I will bring a book to read or we will play a simple game in the class which was really lmao. I feel free but somehow I feel pressure as the day is passing by. EXAM EXAM EXAM

I find myself a comfort even more in music and snooker lately but, i have been listening this song over and over again.

He is so awesome and romantic when he is singing "I want it this way~ I want it that way~". What an awesome song that we can ever heard in the life.

OH! and finally I found a way to get my driving lisense this holiday. My friend has given me a name card who he asked me to contact and I think paper work is gonna be much easier than I was expecting :D!

2009-07-14T23:53:00.003+08:00

Still busy going out lately. I thought I would have feel free after the exam but, I'm still feeling that something has been chasing me along. Feeling more pressure and lack of time as my final exams are coming nearer.

Just another a week more till I begin my holiday for a month. I really wanna sleep till 1~2pm and wake up well without being in a hurry for anything. Take a bath slowly and go out for snooker. That was what I used to do. I know it's lifeless but, whatelse to do? what else can you do in Ipoh? Clubbing? Whatelese?

I'm so worry about my driving lisense. I found out that there is not english paper and it wasn't that easy as I thought but i hope if it was in English. Graaah, gonna find the way out to get my driving lisense by this holiday.

I went to Jusco today and we had a meal in Sushi King. I was eating quietly because I was so hungry and even know I'm hungry! After that I went to Infinity and had quite much of fun. Won 3 games and lost a game. It wasn't that bad though.

I'm so tired and I can't get out from this tiredness. I'm gonna sleep after posting this. So tired and I just want to sleep for the whole day T_T!!!

and I miss this place so much :(

2009-07-12T23:15:00.006+08:00

I wonder how life of rich people are nice. People are saying that poor people have their own things to worry and rich people have their own things to worry which are different but, I guess rich is better than poor in my way of living through this life. I would rather want to worry about, "won't other people will come and steal my money?".

I went to Victoria's party yesterday in Bukit Kinding where I thought so much about my life and life of other people. It wasn't like "Oh my god! it's so beautiful!!" but still it was just great enough for me. Resting room, Karaoke room, Game room, Hall, Archery, Bicycle riding, A small pub with swimming pool, A sauna with hot and cold water and Play ground. I felt I was in a different place that I am not in Ipoh. I can't really describe the whole day how did I feel.

I was kinda having a blur hangover from this morning. I changed the position of my tables and shelves then headed to Infinity to put my anger down but I got more angry after Infi. I got so much of stresses when I was working and I was really about to burst it out. I don't even know why am I angry and to what am I angry at but, the only thing I know is I am angry without any reason. Maybe I know why I am angry, but I can't find it out.

I just need some rest and day off for somewhere else not in Ipoh. Are there anyone gonna believe if I say I haven't had my trip for more than two years. I have always stucked in Ipoh during school days and holiday. The things I need the most are some money for a few days trip, a car and a nice place for me to get lost. GRAAAAH I HATE TO BE IN AN ANGER!

2009-07-10T18:12:00.002+08:00

I'm really tired and feeling so sick of everything that is exsiting in this world.
Because of a small matter, people are fighting and arguing toward each other.
People don't really seem trying hard to understand the other. We can have a better life if we just understand each other. Is that really hard to even think about it?
I'm just really tired. I wanna go off to somewhere that i can be never found. Somewhere deeply where i can find a comfort.

I don't know what to do. What are all these about? I'm totally lost. I have to find my way back to my life, but it seems really hard to consider about it.

ah.. god, i'm scared and forgive all the sins that i have made, i just wanna be a normal person who can be famous by my effort later on..

2009-07-07T23:38:00.003+08:00

The improvement of everything, that makes me feel so good.

I started to get my result out in school and was quite surprised though. English went two grades up that I thought I would get the same grade again, but yeah, i couldn't even believe at the grade.
I just hope to get good grade for Econs, Business study and ICT.

I'm really tired that I didn't really sleep lately. Always go to bed at 3~4am in the morning so i could only sleep about 2 hours+.

Finally I went out for snooker today. I felt so new and fresh. Totally I wasn't playing that bad as well. I just love the following ball and screwing back the ball.. eee I already miss that feeling so much. I came back from Infi very late and couldn't really have time to take rest as well. Look at the time now, it's 11:44pm. I'm gonna sleep after this post. I have football traning back tomorrow and that's gonna kill me. Somehow, I miss football as much as snooker.

Kath, Tian and Sen have got back to Malaysia and we had such a nice time by watching movie. Vicki is coming back soon and yeah probably I'm just gonna spend more time with my friends.

Gonna take a rest from tomorrow and get back my condition. Tired of being in this kinda life and everything is just making me sick. So sad to think that even this holiday i have to rot in Infi by playing snooker everyday Arggh!

2009-06-26T21:50:00.002+08:00

we live in this beautiful world
in that beauty we breath the same air
but we are not the same, dear

there was little we could say
even less that we could do
to stop the ice from getting thinner
under me and you.

when the wind blew through our tired soul
we flew to the spring,
when we reached to ther spring
we were taken by surprise

we are not the same dear, in my way of looking
there is nowhere we can go with nothing underneath
then it saddens me to say what we both knew was true
that the ice was getting thinner
under me and you.

2009-06-25T18:51:00.002+08:00

SHIT, I'm getting darker by playing football in school!

Every students took a photo today. I felt different that school football team could wear differently with other amatures ;). I felt so annoyed when I was about to take the photo. Only you know, you little jerk.

Exam is on next week, oh god.. I'm really lazy to even open the book!
Somehow, I'm already thinking of after exam how am I gonna rock it!

2009-06-21T23:23:00.002+08:00

Messy and dirty. Everything can't be understood.
It just turned everything into an unknown.

I don't know what's life about.
Everything just seems so confuse.

what are these all about?
where are you?
and what are you?

2009-06-18T21:44:00.002+08:00

Feeling like I'm in the hell lately. I can't really sleep and I will only be able to sleep from 3am at the morning. So, yeah, guess what? I only slept for about 3 hours for each day for 3 days.
I would rather choose not to sleep for a day, but not this. It's so tiring and in school I'm always yarning, can't really forcus on study. I played football today and tomorrow there is football training, after those I hope I won't get sick before the exam. I hope that I will be able to rest and sleep for this coming weekend.

I'm getting stress day by day. I still have 9 months till am gonna seat for the IGCSE. I must be thinking too much and worrying too much on which is still long way to go.

2009-06-14T23:59:00.003+08:00

The best week has finally finished. Prom night, production, etc.. Thsi week was really busy, but it was fun though ;) My last Year 10 exam is coming in about two weeks time, after that I'm finally gonna be Year 11. No more fooling around just forcus! yesh!

Wednesday, I went out to Jusco with Jin to get my prom night stuff and we called coach to have dinner together. He drove us to an indian shop and we had such a wonderful meal. I love indian food ;)!

Thursday, after school went out with abbe to get production stuff and Jin came after that. We had early dinner then headed to Infinity. Miki and sean came over to Infi and we had fun there.

Friday, finally! It was the prom night that everyone was so excited in! The first credit part was quite bored, but food was really great except for there was an ant in my drink and they didn't even get me a new drink after I asked them to change for me. We took quite a lot of photos and lately I'm waiting for all the photos to be uploaded. OH! the informal part was really wild. Kian Seng has gone mad. We were shouting "Kian Seng rocks! Kian Seng rocks! Kian Seng rocks!" Yeah, we just danced whatever we felt like. Everyone was having fun and I think that was the best part!

Saturday, production day. It was half sad and half happy. I was texting Mikaela 'cause she was leaving soon. We could only texted very little, maybe the connection wasn't really well? I could get her last msg and it was really sweet! I'm so sorry to her that I couldn't reply her well, but it's ok while I was posting this she came online and I could know that she reached Sweden well and we were talking. God, I'm already missing her so much :(.

Somehow, Vivian was already in KL and I texted her. I saw Peter at production and he told me that her number might be expired and I was like "eh.. then how am I gonna contact her..?" Whatever is that hope she will contact me as soon as possible then Everyone is gonna have dinner together with coach one day as what we are planning ;). Me, Viv, Shoong, Pee, Ishwin, Jin, and Coach at MP ;)? (hope I didn't miss out anyone @_@)

Today, I went to play futsal with all my friends and it was raining heavily while we were playing. We didn't know our bags was getting wet and when we realized it was already quite late! We ran out and put our bags in. I just missed this time. When everyone was here. Viv, Kath, Pee, Tian, and Sen. I think I will be ok soon :(..

Gonna concentrate more on my study. I Stopped my formal tuition and changed into new place. I have more free time during weekend, so I'm already so happy that I'm no longer getting stress by having tuition ever again. I'm gonna control myself. Play when I have to play, study when I have to study. No more staying in Infinity till late night! Sorry for my be loved snooker, but I'm gonna see you only a little times and sorry for my babe cue T_T..

My new MSN is so beautiful!! durr I can't stop looking at it!!!

2009-06-14T00:38:00.002+08:00

그 사람이 바뀌었다
마치 내가 알던것 마저 아닌것 처럼

그 사람을 잃었다
마치 내가 모르던 사람인것 처럼

그 사람을 지웠다
마치 내가 머리에 너를 적은것 처럼

그 사람을 보내주었다
마치 내가 던진 부메랑 처럼
언젠간 이것도 돌아오겠지 하며

2009-06-08T18:39:00.006+08:00

Had such a great day.

I couldn't sleep last night and I guess I only could sleep for an hour and I doubt my phone alarm when it rang. I was really tired, but I was just as happy as when fish meets water ;).

Last period of accounting, we stayed 10~15 minutes more to complete our work. Just after this a week of holiday make me feel my IGCSE is coming soon and I'm just getting my mind back to its own way.

After school I went for my first tuition with Canadian teacher. He was really great and he told me about US and Canada. He actually knows a lot of history of war. I just like old people 'cause they are wise enough to make a decision and you can easily talk to.

Anyway, I'm just living differently from last time.

and this song is just what's about me now ;)

2009-06-08T00:47:00.002+08:00

Going to school in 7 hours+. It's so late, but I haven't gone to bed yet. It's just so nice to stay up now. The romance, classic and love, I'm with everything for a moment. I'm back as who I was.

Relief, worry, shock, relief.. over again and finally I broke the string of trust. It was actually broke by a truth.

This thing wasn't far behind in my way of looked, but it's just too far for me to even reach.

Noone will ever want to think of where was the beginning and where was the ending. Everyone deserves a better way of thinking, but I'm thinking of the beginning and the ending.

It's not so important where was your beginning nor ending,
but it will change your everything eventhough who you are now,

but it's important to know where you are standing on and what you are doing. It has got more power than your past ever. Everything is depend on what you are gonna do. You can change it.

2009-06-07T17:26:00.002+08:00

My heart still beats so fast. I can't just let it out.
Just looks exactly same. I'm just into it more than ever.

My thought has heavily broken, but I'm still there.

2009-06-06T22:13:00.001+08:00

힘들다 :( 어느정도 익숙해진것 같은데 아직도 마음 한 구석은 비어있는것 같고.
그냥 돌겠다 T_T!

2009-06-04T21:01:00.004+08:00

For All The Love We've Made
Just One Thing Stays The Same
The Lamp Gets Dusty
The Pipes Get Rusty
But I Don't Want To Wash My Hands Clean

You Say You Love Me Too
Then Why Won't You Go Through
With The Nightly Kisses
With The Hits And The Misses
If You Can Make It On Your Own Then

Go If You Want To Go
But Stay If You Want To Know
The Way Through The Mess We've Made
And Lie In A Bed You Know
Or Go

I Heard Your Moving Van
But I Didn't Take A Stand
You Can't Leave With Them
You Can't Live Without Them
I Never Knew I'd Want To Let You

Go If You Want To Go
But Stay If You Want To Know
The Way Through The Mess We've Made
And Lie In A Bed You Know
Or Go

For All The Love We've Made
Just One Thing Stays The Same
The Lamp Gets Dusty
The Pipes Get Rusty
But I Don't Want To Wash My Hands Clean

Go If You Want To Go
But Stay If You Want To Know
The Way Through The Mess We've Made
And Lie In A Bed You Know
Or Go

Yesterday night, I just finished watching Gossip Girl again. I watched from season 1~2 over again. I'm watching it from season 1 episode 1 again. I know it sounds freak, but I don't get bored watching it over again which is I don't even know why! Somehow I guess because of Blake lively ;)?

People were saying that she looks like her and only today I just realized that by myself. Nose, eyes and even her smile. I should stop looking at it, but I just can't control myself to stop :(..

2009-06-04T01:38:00.001+08:00

Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Oh no whats this?
A spider web, and Im caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things Ive done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And i, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

Oh no I see,
A spider web and its me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble,

Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And i, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

2009-06-03T13:13:00.004+08:00

Monday morning, unexpectly I woke up early and went out for bruch with my family. My mum had to buy some big plastic baskets and we went to plastic factory to get some. The factory was really huge and I couldn't get my eyes off from it.

Then unexpectly I saw another industrial factory when we were driving back home. The name was so familar and I could remember there was one guy name Mr Laurence who came to my shop for dinner and talked to me and gave me his name card. I didn't expect him as working in such a hugex3 factory. I think he was manager or maybe more than that.

Yesterday, there was so many missed called and messages on my phone when I was sleeping. I forgot to put in silent and I just ignored everything. It was 12pm+ when I woke up and looked at the clock!
Sean was asking me to go to Infinity, Abbe went to my shop, my mum called me and other people called me. I was so bored and decided to head off to Infinity. What else? Yes! snooker!

I didn't play snooker for about 2~3weeks and I sucked! Stuck so many balls and straight balls went wrong as well. Holiday, I will get back my skill! That's my holiday object this time ;).

I feel so unsatisified. I just can't get anything what I want. I badly hope to get, but I can't. Just powerless, tired of everything and mostly I don't know what to do. I guess lifeless life is adding even more on this. Making it even worse. I want nothing much. I just want to be happy with my girlfriend wherever we are, whatever we are and my family. Stable relationship with everyone. Are those really hard to get? If not, why I can't get it then?

What else does it need? Isn't love enough? Money? Power? Risk? I don't trust anything even my fate. I believe in love and believe that "I love you" this prooves and explains everything.

I'm gonna go out now and head off to somewhere I can be.

2009-06-02T12:31:00.002+08:00

다른 사람에게 가려하는 그녀 하나 만은 지켜주고 싶었다.
사랑한다고, 날 보내지 말라고, 날 붙잡아 달라고,
그녀에게 간절히 말 하고 싶었다.

이미 너무 늦은건가?
사랑은 하는데, 모르겠어.. 어떻게 해야할지..
내가 먼저 다가 가기에는 너무나도 높은 벽이 있어,
우리가 헤어진 동안에 누군가가 쌓았나봐..

나좀 붙잡아줘.. 붙잡아서 나를 돌려줘,
예전에 너를 사랑하던 그 사람으로..

2009-06-01T01:23:00.002+08:00

Everytime and everywhere, you were with me.

2009-05-30T21:39:00.008+08:00

A sentence, three words. "I love you" it's so easy to say out. It's so normal, but the different meaning of like and love no one will ever know it, maybe some will. It's so short and only 3 words, but sometime it just explains everything.

Love is made for everyone and meaningful for everyone, Or just like a dream, Veiled itself to everyone that noone will ever know what is it exactly, Everyone is meant to be together, and everything is meant to be worked out.

2009-05-30T13:20:00.003+08:00

the hot and cold part. I wonder how many people in this world have been feeling like me @_@.. It's just crazy...
Waiting for season 2 episode 18 to finish downloading :(..

damn Dan! Hurting my blake lively so much :(!